Do you ever wonder why the narcissist went from loving you to hating you in a split-second? Do you ever wonder why you were taken down off the pedestal and nailed up on the cross virtually overnight? The answer is actually quite simple – the narcissist hates you. They hate you because you somehow discovered that they are a fraud. They hate you because you know what a fake, phony, superficial person they really are. And they hate you because once you know what they are really all about, you become a mirror reflecting the truth back to them.
To the narcissist, you are a mirror, reflecting their true image back to them. If you are still in the bamboozled stage (still victim to their feigned charm) you will admire them -- and they will love you (or rather, their reflection of themselves via you). If you have finally seen the ugly truth of them, they will hate you. It's as simple ... or as complicated … as that.
Like every twosome, every narcissist-based relationship has two components. However, unlike other relationships, the narcissist feels that he or she is the only person ... his or her partner is actually just an 'extension' of him or her. A 'mirror' of which he or she can see themselves and feed their insatiable ego.
See, in the beginning, the narcissist will love you. You are still 'bamboozled' by his or her fake charm, and he or she loves the 'positive' reflection back to them that rebounds off you. However, once you see the truth, once you see the stony-ice of his or her heart, the narcissist will hate you. You reflect the truth -- the 'negative' image --- back to them, and this they do not want to see. The narcissist can't handle the truth because his or her whole, entire entity relies on keeping the lie alive. The truth will not set the narcissist free; it will kill them by destroying their image. (To the narcissist, their 'image' is who they are. If you destroy the image, you destroy the man or woman.)
If you are in a relationship where your partner is a narcissist, know that you are merely a mirror, reflecting the narcissist's image back to him or her. Which one are you? The positive reflection or the negative reflection? Your answer is in how the narcissist treats you.
How's that? …
Well, this mirror dictates the narcissist's feelings towards you. If he or she looks at his reflection through your eyes, and it reflects back to him or her in a positive light, then the narcissist will be drooling all over you. They will place you high up on that pedestal. On the other hand, if you see the true colors of the narcissist, then the narcissist will despise you. You will have now become the narcissist's number one enemy.
Moreover, the narcissist will destroy you using any means he or she can. If he or she can devalue or demonize you, then he or she can also dismiss your opinions of him or her as having any validity. In the narcissist's mind, if you are a 'nothing', then your opinions are also a 'nothing', too. By doing this devaluing the narcissist cracks the mirror, discrediting your opinions and preserving his or her image. He or she has avoided having to face the truth of him or herself.
Read more about living with, loving and leaving a narcissist.
Advice on Breakups
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